(I have decided that I can’t cope with wanting to do many things, and still have the energy for the commitments I cannot let go of now. Then today, I decided to look through the dates of posts I have queued onto this blog. I realised that the queue is ending soon, and I need to do something about it. An audible sigh escaped my lips, then I realised that if I chose to just let go of this moment.
I can. And I will.
And I will never come back to this space of writing, nonsense, random thoughts and ideas I have.)
It is so easy to give up on something sometimes.
And when you discover the ways in which you give things up,
It is always during moments of weakness.
And in that moment, you lose everything.
It has always been will power that keeps you living. Not your breath, or your passions, or your youth. It has always been will power.
And when you lose will power, you stop living. Because nothing has a purpose any longer, and you can just stay in a spot. Never moving. Waiting for age to catch up or your body to fail, because your will power has left you.
It has always been this easy to give up. At least for me.
And I realise that all these things I make myself do – school, writing, maintaining friendships, planning for a future, juggling a job – are not compulsory. I do that because I fear losing my sense of purpose, of self and my will power.
But the higher you climb,
The harder you fall.
And you will always fall.
It’s about picking yourself back up and going
And I am scared I will one day choose
To lay at the bottom
Staring ahead and limbs dead.