(Post-show and just a gathering of reflections made.)
I have never really had the task, and privilege, of having to create from scratch. As a young performer, I usually get projects with ready scripts and become a pure actor in terms of my role. Within that scope of acting, is my freedom. And this time, it is almost like I had so many things to think about; so much control and unfamiliar spaces of exploration.
It is a luxury, in certain ways. Theatre is severely beautiful but in the world of economics, it is close to impossible to create original work all by yourself.
It boils down to funds, connections and the themes you choose to present. Venues are expensive, even if you choose to work with minimal props. How are you planning to fill up the seats? Publicity, sponsors and having to prove your worth to paying audiences? And of course, you have to pay your crew and your designers, especially on a very professional platform.
We should not perpetuate the cycle of starving artists when we are in the field ourselves. It is almost hypocrisy.
So this chance to present something in my voice, under the school’s wing, has been the greatest gift to me. This has been an experience to remember. I think, I grew the most during this short term of ten weeks or less.
Having to put a script together and picking a topic from the millions out there, was the starting point. Spoilt for choice but limited by time and resources, I had to take something and stick with it. There is no time to hesitate and be fickleminded about.
Time was always ticking. And going off in my mind every now and then.
At this point, I want to thank every single person that opened up to me and sat through personal conversations. Inspirational and raw in their own ways, it sparked my determination and my own commitment to dig deep into my experiences.
It has been difficult and despite warnings that it is going to be an emotional journey, stubbornness is always a strong suit of mine. For better or for worse. Hahaha.
Some days, I read the script and end up crying by the second page. Other days, I simply get by.
But I am so thankful for my guides – my teachers and the handful of my close companions. It is a wonder that I got to where I did with my work and how I managed to be vulnerable about something I have held onto so tightly so long. All the encouragement, problem solving, going deeper into the text and forcing the performer to emerge, breaking down this wall of distance and working the space, the physicality of body and still being supportive despite my consistently shit insomnia and attendance.
I don’t talk much, and most days, I try to disappear in school as much as possible. But I have been reminded of kindness and that relationships go beyond what might occupy my mind 24/7 and kill me slowly.
And with this work, thank you to everyone that turned up, got tickets or sent me notes to lift me up. I might not be the most visible or the hand that reaches out often enough to upkeep friendships, but all of you do mean a lot. So thank you, even though it will never be enough for all the support all these years since my decision to pursue theatre.
I am touched, and happy that I finished what I wanted to do. And glad I had people with me, throughout.
I am going to zone out for a bit now. Will post more of my thoughts when they come to me. xx