(Positivity can be a complete lie sometimes, and does more damage than good. But this is all up to the individual’s personality and coping mechanism. For sure. Feeling depressed is not a choice, but a reaction. I think that is what most people misunderstand about the feelings of doom, dread and impending disaster.)
(Heavy downpour on February 24th. And I had some thoughts that I am typing out. Here.)
If I ever had to describe my states of fluctuating anxiety and depression, I will say that it is like rainfall.
As unpredictable as the weather, and equally uncontrollable.
From burning hot to complete flooding of the streets, the entire spectrum becomes a possibility at any time. Even then, one town can be experiencing the sun while another experiences rain. Or I can be happy for a moment before it becomes pain. All in the blink of an eye. In my sadness, I might also find joy or an ironic sense of humour.
So I am the sun, the wind and the rain. My body trying to hold everything together.
Don’t doubt me when I speak about my experiences, and my emotions. It is hard enough to talk about it sometimes and still keep living. Because if you do not experience it for yourself, you can never imagine how it is like.
Just know that sometimes I can’t even predict my own weather. I just close my eyes and take whatever comes.
Some storms last longer, and heavier, and stronger.
Rain is just rain, and I always pray that it will pass. But firs, it must release everything it has accumulated.
And the cycle starts again.