(Mid-February. The point where life is crashing and burning. Or if you need a lighter image in your head, drowning in a tsunami of lemonade. To deal with life, or at least, get some of my resentment out of my system, I wrote fortune cookie messages to a couple of people. Harsh truths purely from my perspective. I am human. I am selfish. All lousy excuses, but at this point, I cannot hold on anymore. So let me be petty and vent. If you are intolerant, please feel free to leave.)
1. It is not stupidity or incapability. You are just lazy and not trying. Same mistakes on different days. Is this what you call dream chasing? Really?
2. I owned my actions and there is no way every past footprint can be retraced in this age of technology. Furthermore, I cannot foretell the future. How is any of this my fault? I didn’t even participate! I also warned you about it!
3. There is barely anything in it for me at this point of commitment. So what is with the passive aggressiveness? Maybe I should just leave.
4. It is just so convenient to blame me isn’t it?
5. I do not really understand how you respect me, and bother talking to me civilly when you treat him like utter nonsense. The double standards are drastically apparent, and yet you wonder where his anger is from. Why so unaware and apathetic? He is a friend too. No?
6. I know why some of them are still here. I know you don’t want to talk to me about my stunted growth and what really is going on. It is just way easier to blame personal reasons than address the real issue.
7. Why are you always coming home in such a bad temper? What is going on? If you are so unhappy, why don’t you just leave?
8. You are a perpetual liar and you twist your words so often. My guilt is gone and you are no more.
9. I hope you get out there and be happy. Don’t stick around for someone that barely appreciates you. Fly.
10. What were we, if there’s a we to speak of?
11. I don’t know how to help you. I empathise. I even see some parts of myself in you at times. All I have is empathy, and sometimes I know it is not enough. Please take it though. It is all I have for you, for now.
12. After having that conversation with you, I find you unchanged. It is so strange that years have done nothing to shape you, age you and wake you. Maybe it is better off to no longer speak. Or is it?
13. Be kinder.
14. It really isn’t that easy. Strength can run out, you know? And that’s where I find myself at.
15. Stop stalking me. Don’t take away my social media freedom just like that. Who are you? Go back to where you came from.
*you: an imaginary person or a collective*