13th January. 

Freedom used to mean crossing borders. Leaving responsibilities behind and secrets unsaid. Going into another land with no preconceived notions. Live carefree. Indulge in the ordinary elements of another’s life. Speak simply. Breathe deeply air of a different past. 

But tonight, freedom is about crossing borders in my mind. Gaining the privilege to laugh at jokes and just keep laughing. Don’t stop. The smile goes right up to my eyes and my cheeks hurt. To let myself live both realities at the same time – the frustrations that boil and the happiness that flies. Not dwell in sorrow but move past it into brighter days. 

Sit in the fire, a wise teacher once said. Be there and feel so deeply until you understand. You may suffer and the pain might overwhelm. But you are beautiful with flames dancing and passion sparks your eyes. 

How do you ever balance both the danger of fire and the comfort of earth?

They are both me living my life, and now I know what balance can be. What I should aspire for – not for another life, but perspectives to live fully in the one I have been given. 

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