Lost in Conversation. 

Thoughts come and go, pile up and overwhelm you as they collapse. 

I might not really prefer this way of living, but I find it hard to imagine a life without my mind talking to me all the time. Guess I have learnt to live with this, and make the best of it. 

It also helps that I have learnt how to game my own system when I really need to. 

However, I wonder if this makes me a difficult person to live with. To make conversation with, to listen to my considerations, to pick up from what I offer from one moment to another, to fully understand how many perspectives I have on a single situation itself. 

Sometimes this is almost invisible, other times, it is a neon sign flashing in my mind. But of course, invisible does not mean it disappears fully. It still is visible, simply hidden well. 

It happens most often with people I fully trust. After all, I am comfortable enough to just voice thoughts out as they come and have them sound back to me in the safe space of our friendship. 

And having so many things to translate from my mind to my body to you, it is difficult when you do not listen without distractions. 

Or when you do not share your opinions. 

I mean, here I am so vulnerable yet you look away, mouth mute and numb. Do you not trust me enough, are my thoughts too fast, too fierce, or have years of closeness left nothing in between  us for you to say anymore? 

And in your silence, my mind blows up and I collapse yet again. An endless death. 


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