Now that the year is slowly ending, and I am slightly older, the worries sitting at the back of my mind are gradually resurfacing.
I know it is only August and there’s still quite a way to go, but I can’t help it. I always tend to plan in advance so nothing can take me by surprise in a bad turn of events.
Having no probable future is no laughing matter. So.
After all, the graduation I have always wished for is coming closer. It is great. I have always wanted to graduate and finally go out into the world – renewed and improved.
But of course, getting out of school means being out of a comfort zone I have grown to take for granted. In school, it is all homework, training and being educated. Besides that, I work outside of school hours, take part in other interests and take the chance to keep growing as a person.
In a working environment, chances are few and making mistakes are barely forgivable. It is a harsher environment, that’s for sure, but I am ready for it.
So what exactly am I worried about?
I am worried that I have long been forgotten from the theatre scene, and it will take me years to get back in. I am worried that I won’t be able to get jobs fast enough, if at all, since supply is way over demand these days. I am also worried that maybe I have never been good enough to be outstanding and of a hiring standard among my peers.
I also wonder if others are starting to view me more as a “writer” since I have been more active in this field while schooling.
Does that perception matter? And will it greatly affect me? Should I only be wearing one hat in terms of skill set, or is it okay to juggle many?
There’s no fixed advice or solution, and I have heard both pros and cons of the situation. But I am not ready to leave behind the many things I have built up, learnt to do with myself, yet I worry that the box others put me in is not big enough.
Maybe I will have to wait for another day, and take things as they come.
Can I really afford to do everything that I want? Can I be a writer, a thespian and anything that comes my way?