That is a question I seldom ask myself.
I used to, probably. Once upon a time. When I probably still cared for myself a little bit more than now. It is not that I do not love myself anymore. That’s not the problem. Everyone has good days, and bad, so sometimes you feel amazing about yourself. Other days, you just want to lie in bed all day and wonder what exactly are you doing with your life.
Today, is one of those miserable days. Dime a dozen, for me. Stress, tiredness chews at my soul, then proceeds to spit me out every now and again. Bouts of non-clinical depression and severe sadness born out of nowhere but the core of my being.
Maybe I simply woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, but my heart feels empty. My mind is a routine of fixed rhythms that no longer breathes. My lungs merely a function, as with my life at this point. My eyes go through the low and high tides of emotions.
Can you believe that I can read a single unexpected message the moment I wake up, burst into tears almost immediately and not want to leave bed?
It is ridiculous. I wonder why I behave the way I do, or why I feel things so deeply to a point of being close to crazy.
I am probably not dead yet since my optimism kicks in after my days of hitting rock bottom. Yes, my resilience and tenacity are really something, sometimes.
But, yes. How am I today?
Not good at all.
Too many naggy voices in my head. Too many worries and stress clouding my min. Too many people coming and going. Too many, too many, too many.
But life goes on.
(School starts in less than a week. What am I to do then? Hahaha. Life’s a messed up joke, and my sense of humour is dead.)