Before 2015 Ends. 

Like seas of both calm and aggressive nature, I will say that was how my life went the past year. 

Tugged by the heart. 

Persuaded by the mind. 

Tricked by the dollars, convinced by the dreams and everything in between. 

I have fallen more times than I have gotten up. I earned cuts, bruises and some new hurt. But after falling many times in a row, it becomes easier to stay on the floor and not get up. 

But with that, like waters of will and freedom, I never stopped fighting. 

It is tiring and sometimes, I still lay in bed and wonder what exactly am I fighting for, or am I just fighting myself. 

But this is it. 

I still have my head up high, and I made th choices to lead me here. Not elsewhere. 


In waves, in tides and in crashes, one more year of my life has come to an end and my waters settle. 

Just for a while. 

To let go of the anger, the tiredness and the pollution of my spirit. 

And learn to open up; embrace life again. 

Thank you 2015, but it is time to welcome 2016. 


15th October 2015. 

The memory of your body – No recollection of mine by your side –

Remembering the gaps and spaces though they were replaced 

– No limbs; Just overactive imagination – 

Time proved that I am merely a ghost, a shadow, a stain 

In the dusty corners of your mind 

Found only in the day

Forgotten in the night 


I see her indentation on your just made bed 
I see her invisible hair strands on the tiled floor 
And her shadows lurk in your wardrobe of old clothes 
The smell of her perfume tickles my nose and fumes my lungs 
Melodious laughter echoes in your room and the unfamiliar whispers haunt my sleep 
I taste her in your lips – mint, cheap candy and overwhelming alcohol 
And her cold silk skin against my flushed one
Now all I know is how to love a ghost of a woman instead of a man of the present. 


In stale air and salty water 

Of the merciless waves riding the sea 

I can’t breathe 

By eternal grief and internal longing 

Of the mechanical beating echoing within bones

With half-finished stories and haze-filled thoughts 

Of the elusive future that never embraces 

I can’t go 


You knit your brows 

With worn out yarn of 

Invisible worry and intangible confusion

And their strings tangled up

To form permanent patterns on the blank 


That you call your face

Threaded with colours and decorated with lines 

That form the cross-stitches of your quiet life


It was silence. 
Your voice just travelling through space but never reaching 

Your touch just haunting echoes 

Your skin just a clothing coated in dust and dread

Your body just lingering shadows of past light

Your eyes just empty shells reflecting fragmented frames of fluorescent rays 

Your soul just in limbo – not living yet too early for death 

You are always moving, yet still trapped in the same body, the same prison, the same universe

It was just silence.