Like seas of both calm and aggressive nature, I will say that was how my life went the past year.
Tugged by the heart.
Persuaded by the mind.
Tricked by the dollars, convinced by the dreams and everything in between.
I have fallen more times than I have gotten up. I earned cuts, bruises and some new hurt. But after falling many times in a row, it becomes easier to stay on the floor and not get up.
But with that, like waters of will and freedom, I never stopped fighting.
It is tiring and sometimes, I still lay in bed and wonder what exactly am I fighting for, or am I just fighting myself.
But this is it.
I still have my head up high, and I made th choices to lead me here. Not elsewhere.
In waves, in tides and in crashes, one more year of my life has come to an end and my waters settle.
Just for a while.
To let go of the anger, the tiredness and the pollution of my spirit.
And learn to open up; embrace life again.
Thank you 2015, but it is time to welcome 2016.
The memory of your body – No recollection of mine by your side –
Remembering the gaps and spaces though they were replaced
– No limbs; Just overactive imagination –
Time proved that I am merely a ghost, a shadow, a stain
In the dusty corners of your mind
Found only in the day
Forgotten in the night
But never forced lips locked in embrace
I see her indentation on your just made bed
I see her invisible hair strands on the tiled floor
And her shadows lurk in your wardrobe of old clothes
The smell of her perfume tickles my nose and fumes my lungs
Melodious laughter echoes in your room and the unfamiliar whispers haunt my sleep
I taste her in your lips – mint, cheap candy and overwhelming alcohol
And her cold silk skin against my flushed one
Now all I know is how to love a ghost of a woman instead of a man of the present.
In stale air and salty water
Of the merciless waves riding the sea
I can’t breathe
By eternal grief and internal longing
Of the mechanical beating echoing within bones
With half-finished stories and haze-filled thoughts
Of the elusive future that never embraces
I can’t go
You knit your brows
With worn out yarn of
Invisible worry and intangible confusion
And their strings tangled up
To form permanent patterns on the blank
That you call your face
Threaded with colours and decorated with lines
That form the cross-stitches of your quiet life
It was silence.
Your voice just travelling through space but never reaching
Your touch just haunting echoes
Your skin just a clothing coated in dust and dread
Your body just lingering shadows of past light
Your eyes just empty shells reflecting fragmented frames of fluorescent rays
Your soul just in limbo – not living yet too early for death
You are always moving, yet still trapped in the same body, the same prison, the same universe
It was just silence.