There are things I do not have much of, like money, decisiveness as well as comfort.
But in turn, I have an excess of thoughts, feelings and great amounts of rationality to the point of detachment.
The past two days were slightly overwhelming ever since I came back from Bangkok because I experienced everything I mentioned above in a nutshell.
Condensed, succinct and real.
I am grateful to close friends I have that are open to conversations with no boundaries. They have big hearts and are able to stay rooted to benches/chairs for long, while words come and go.
Like waves of thoughts – rational or irrational.
Occasionally sipping drinks, leaning in for hugs and feeling out the quiet lingering emotions.
Questions I have been thinking about:
- How much would it take to destroy me and have me surrender my soul to money earning?
- Can I kill the system before it kills me?
- Would “if you can’t beat them, join them” apply in this context?
- Do I believe in marriage, or is it just not a possibility?
- What would make two people a good match?
- More similarities or more differences?
- Give in to temptation and try again?
- Why is it that I am so tough on romantic love but so gentle with platonic ones?
- What makes sex excessive in a relationship and what makes sex too little?
- Is it a crime to want sex?
- As a woman?
- Why do people prefer female receptionists to male ones?
- When I am so hard on others, does it truly reflect how hard I am on myself?
- Enjoyment of being single: bane or boon?
Just a taster of what the party vibes are in this head of mine. I am always caught in this state of contemplation, brainstorming and debating that I never really find a decision to settle on.
Let them build a nest in my mind until they are mature enough to grow wings and fly.
What a beautiful idea.
Anyway, I should consolidate my thoughts and type a post on Bangkok. It has shared with me so much and I would not want to forget about it just like that.