Excess. 

There are things I do not have much of, like money, decisiveness as well as comfort. 

But in turn, I have an excess of thoughts, feelings and great amounts of rationality to the point of detachment. 

The past two days were slightly overwhelming ever since I came back from Bangkok because I experienced everything I mentioned above in a nutshell. 

Condensed, succinct and real. 

I am grateful to close friends I have that are open to conversations with no boundaries. They have big hearts and are able to stay rooted to benches/chairs for long, while words come and go. 

Like waves of thoughts – rational or irrational. 

Occasionally sipping drinks, leaning in for hugs and feeling out the quiet lingering emotions. 

Questions I have been thinking about: 

  • How much would it take to destroy me and have me surrender my soul to money earning?
  • Can I kill the system before it kills me? 
  • Would “if you can’t beat them, join them” apply in this context? 
  • Do I believe in marriage, or is it just not a possibility? 
  • What would make two people a good match? 
  • More similarities or more differences? 
  • Give in to temptation and try again? 
  • Why is it that I am so tough on romantic love but so gentle with platonic ones? 
  • What makes sex excessive in a relationship and what makes sex too little?
  • Is it a crime to want sex? 
  • As a woman? 
  • Why do people prefer female receptionists to male ones?
  • When I am so hard on others, does it truly reflect how hard I am on myself?
  • Enjoyment of being single: bane or boon?

Just a taster of what the party vibes are in this head of mine. I am always caught in this state of contemplation, brainstorming and debating that I never really find a decision to settle on. 

Let them build a nest in my mind until they are mature enough to grow wings and fly. 

Liberation. 

What a beautiful idea. 

Anyway, I should consolidate my thoughts and type a post on Bangkok. It has shared with me so much and I would not want to forget about it just like that. 

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3 thoughts on “Excess. 

  1. Imo, there is never too little or too much sex. As long as it’s mutually decided between both parties. And no, its not a crime as a woman to want sex.

    • (Sometimes I forget that you read my blog. Hahaha.) Yea, it isn’t. But I was just talking to my friend the other day and it is true that people still don’t talk about things like a woman’s sex drive or the needs that come with it or the hormones because it is still pretty much taboo. It got me thinking for a bit because I found that interesting and weird at the same time. How backward some of our thinking still is.

      • (Yes, I do read your blog, hahaha) Well, it’s hard to change a societal mindset that has been around for centuries la. But i guess some stereotypes and preconceived ideas will always stick around in most people’s heads. Oh well.

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