Possibly The Hardest Thing. 

Growing up, 

I have been taught that the only way to be perfect is to be 

Pretty, kind, smile and –

“Ah girl ah, wear long dress. So cute! So pretty! Wah, come come come. Let auntie hug you. Aiyo. So chubby. Lose a bit of weight, you grow up confirm model one! Like your cousin! Look like Ang Moh mix. Too bad your eyes small.” 

Score a ninety and above for every single possible test. 

Of course I cannot speak for everyone but myself – 

“Can you stop asking why and arguing with me? Girls are submissive you know. What are you ah? Why you turn out like that? Must be I kena punish from my last life. Have a girl like you.” 

I can say that I learnt it the hard way since I never won the genetic race 

Of talent, of gender and of faith. 


So suddenly, 

Asked to look in the mirror to smile at the reflection, to sing in front of living or dead to listen to my own voice express, and to be kind to myself is 

Possibly the hardest thing

To learn, to cultivate and to remember. 


Something I have to learn, but I am too tired for it today. 


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