So, today marks the last day of 2014.
And in a couple of hours, 2015 will be here and it will officially be the end of my two gap years that I decided to embark on after my ‘A’ levels back in 2013.
And in a couple of days, it will be a crazy start of going back to school, juggling shows as well as writing assignments without (hopefully) neglecting my relationships with the people I love.
It is surprising and slightly bittersweet that the hectic lifestyle I have been living for the past 728 days is (finally) coming to an end.
I do not actually know what or how to feel about this. It is a strange mix of excitement, anxiety, panic, worry, happiness, relief and possibly hopeful. The new year scares me, but I guess I should be more worried if I am not scared at all.
I will definitely miss living on a schedule that I plan out for myself.
Looking back, the past two years were filled with opportunities, lessons, bad decisions and was one big emotional roller coaster for me. I have went through one of my lowest periods in my short life, but these two years have also given me such fulfillment, independence and great experiences that I will take with me as I keep learning, observing and growing up.
I might complain, cry and lose sleep over the silliest things ever but I can proudly say that I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever. And I am so grateful to everyone that stuck by me and believed in me. I will forever be in debt to all the kindness, love and concern shown as well as given to me.
Words fail to truly describe how lucky I am, in more ways than one.
Hmm. The one thing I am most proud of is that I always chose to listen to myself instead of other people that are usually full of negativity and doubt, and did what I wanted to try and suffered the consequences (if any) as they come and move on. I have my victories as well as my fair share of mistakes, but I stayed true to myself and that is what counts. They haven’t always been easy decisions but I am so happy that I survived and came out stronger.
Many people think that taking a gap year is like a voluntary holiday. Taking two gap years? A total punishable crime.
People have come up to me, saying that I am wasting my time and my youth. Sometimes, they even sit me down and tell me off for wasting my female privilege of not having to serve the national service for two years but instead, waste two years of not attending a school that provides a mainstream route of education.The offhanded remarks or comments still ring in my head every now and then. That is the thing with listening to people talk. It stays with you longer than you would like it to, and it haunts you whenever you are hit by an obstacle or during the dead of the night in your tired mind. People will brush off the hurt feelings and defend themselves with the fact that they are concerned about me or worried about my strange idealistic view on life.
Not a lot of people get my decisions most times or why I choose to do all the things that I find myself doing in some point or another, but it is okay. I have come to terms with it and I have stopped trying to explain, convince and make them see what I have been doing.
Because this is essentially my life, and I only answer to myself.
So 2015, let’s kick ass.
It is you and me. xx
Have a great new year everyone!
And do not ever let anyone dull your shine. xx