Sober Feelings.

Feelings are most vulnerable and bare when intoxicated.

And honest words come tumbling out with whiskey breath.

No second guesses are needed when the heart already knows what has to be said.

And the mind is no longer in control to hide and mask.

The voice translates the thoughts so naturally, like how blood flows within veins.

Slurred, slow and stripped down.

Unadulterated.

It is funny how some of us need alcohol to tell the truth, only to go back to pretense and lies the very next day.

And forget the beauty of the truth and the genuine.

And not everyone that wears hearts on sleeves are weak and go unloved.

And that vulnerability can be a strength as long as you believe it to be.

Advertisements

The Longest Sunset.

I closed my eyes

After the Sun was

Long gone and

Drowning

In the deep end of the sea

I stood there

With the darkness enveloping my body

And I thought that reminded me

Of your tired and familiar hands and I felt my own cold pair

Clasped them tightly together

Hoping that when I open my eyes

Just as the Sun rises from its quiet slumber

On stray coral reefs and bleed onto the cotton sky yet again

That you will still be there

Like the constant shape-shifting clouds:

Present, and still mine.

Always mine.

 

Listerine.

Up and down.

Side to side.

Inside and out.

Eight times each.

Then rinse and gargle. Gargle twice if your gums are bleeding.

I taste iron.

Floss. Get rid of everything stuck in between – bits and pieces from lunch or accidental kisses.

Maybe use Listerine. It really does kill most of the bacteria and leave an acquired taste in your mouth.

Repeat.

I love brushing my teeth even though I usually go at it too hard and only stop when my gums get red, sore and they start bleeding. Staining my teeth a light pink, like my favourite lip gloss colour.

I always look forward to running my tongue over my teeth to feel that I managed to clean away everything. So fresh. So clean. So new.

And for a while, I can no longer taste you in my mouth.

And I feel safe.

Knowing that I am a little more myself, and not you.

Quick Catch-Up.

Hello!

It is a Friday and I woke up at 6.30am (which is incredibly early for me) to get some work done. So now that I have a bit of time left while having some fresh strawberries for breakfast, I thought I would spent ten minutes just coming up with a quick post just to share what I have been up to.

Because I only realised how quiet my blog has been yesterday and that is due to queuing posts after the 24th of November.

Day Job: Gallery sitting at Third Floor – Hermès

Well, there is no harm getting some extra cash to save up in the (almost empty) bank account and I thought I would try something new since I wanted a short break from doing stage shows for a while.

I am two weeks into the job and I am finally getting used to it – bringing books to entertain myself, writing poetry, sketching, colouring and just being by myself for long periods of time. It is really quiet and peaceful, so it is not all that bad.

And the current exhibition coined Becoming Again by Ran Hwang is pretty wonderful.

Come visit if you would like to!

(P.s. I am there on most days until mid December comes around.)

Writing: SINdie, Poached Mag & Peatix blog

And in case anyone’s been wondering why I am constantly running around attending events but not blogging about them here, the reason is because I have been writing for other sites!

Basically covering community events, local film screenings, art exhibitions as well as anything falling under the big umbrella of The Arts in general, I tend to be everywhere and anywhere when something is going on. I love having the first-hand experience of whatever that is happening in Singapore. It kind of reminds me how exciting the various scenes are on this island and really, how small I am in this gigantic world of possibilities.

The deadlines, on the other hand, have been a little crazy the past couple of weeks. Especially after I got the gallery sitting job, because there is no wifi in the space.

But I have been doing this (writing) for a couple of years now – simply to get myself to think and formulate opinions, be more observant and just keep writing to improve. Gaining a new skill always comes in useful, so yup.

I will just have to make do with less sleep and many compromises.

What I have read over the past couple of days:

  1. Body Boundaries: The EtiquetteSG Anthologies Volume 1
  2. The Monsters Between Us – Jason Wee
  3. Unmarked Treasure – Cyril Wong
  4. Change Your Mind: 57 Ways to Unlock Your Creative Self – Rod Judkins
  5. Our Neighbourhoods: We Love Katong

That is all I have to share at the moment.

Will take some time tomorrow to finally blog on Interstellar as well as Big Hero 6. And add new pieces of poetry/writings/pretentious romantic whatevers to the blog.

And closer to the end of the year, I am hoping to do up a quick post about the past two years of this gap year life, going off to school and some other sentimental stuff. I will definitely try to make time for it, because it is important to me.

Have a great weekend everybody!

 

Carelessness.

It was an act of carelessness – as usual.

(Have I ever told you how I peeled an orange once to eat, only to throw the fruit into the bin, mistaking it for its textured skin? It was the last orange too. All I could do was sniff the peels for a bit, pretend I ate the orange and left the kitchen in disappointment.)

I casually walked over to my drawer, took out a bottle and was just about to pour the solution into my contact lenses’ case before I was totally aware of what I was doing.

I almost poured perfume to cleanse my dry contact lenses that night after a long day of quarrels, work and never ending emotional baggage.

At first, I was surprised at myself. Then I just sat on the floor and laughed at myself.

It was as if my body knew what I needed – to be able to see the world in a better light.

As if the perfume will help me to see the world with more romance and joy and mask it with a forgotten goodness. Stop and smell the sweet scent of roses while it filters my view to focus on the brighter things in life – children laughing freely, non-hazy days and decisions made without betraying the heart.

Remind myself that there is beauty in this life and that I just got to open my tired eyes wider and look with wonder and just

Look.

Really look.

Who cares if your eyes burn from the perfume and are bloodshot and start tearing?

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and happiness is really the only thing that matters,

Or so,

They say.

Cup of Bitter Coffee.

You always liked your coffee black.

As black as the sleepless nights you spent contemplating your life.

As black as the self-doubt that has been creeping into your mind to shadow hope and confidence.

As black as your soulless eyes as you let the inner demons feed off your sparkle.

Now, you drink four warm cups a day just to keep breathing and pretend living.

Thinking that you are okay and everything is the same while wondering why people are leaving.

Not realising that the bitterness has coated your tongue

And contaminated every word you manage to spit

And that is all you will ever taste

And that your life is like

The warm cup in your

Lonely hands.