Untitled #6.

I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself. I love myself.

I lo-

I loathe myself.

Advertisements

Self-Help.

1. Do not ask questions to things you do not want to know answers to.

2. If someone does not know you personally, their opinion of who you are does not matter.

3. Always listen and not judge. Be it yourself or others.

4. There is always a choice.

5. Sometimes, people cannot hurt you if you do not let them.

6. There is no use crying over spilled milk, but if crying helps you feel better. Cry. Then move on.

7. Forgive yourself.

8. Believe in something bigger than yourself.

9. Age is just a number. Simply keep growing up and be proud of how far you have come.

10. If anything is toxic, choose to walk away.

 

Back Turned.

Her back was turned.

Your eyes trace her spine and you notice the tiny hairs on her skin. You have never really noticed them before. Strange.

You could see her breathing but you could not hear its steady rhythm or feel its warmth.You could only hear yours, and occasionally, the sound of your own heartbeat filling the quiet familiar room.

You want to reach out your hands to touch her smooth back and trace her skin. Maybe even hold her. Or get her to hold you, so you may feel her body heat against yours. A comfort you seem to want every now and then.

But you do not.

You stay quiet and just keep looking at her turned back.

And even though the both of you were lying on the same bed, the empty space between both your bodies seemed like a whole dimension away.

Untouchable, distant and simply not present.

Then, after a few moments, you chose to turn your back too. And closed your eyes.

Out of sight, out of mind. Maybe.

But the loneliness was deafening.

 

22 Jump Street (2014).

22jumpstreet4One of the many last minute movie decisions of my life.

No regrets though. Thankfully.

Well, I remember catching 21 Jump Street and I quite liked it so yea. 22 Jump Street is way better than 21, I would say.

The sense of humour is essentially the same but played up. This is one movie that I actually laughed from start to finish, pretty much. And it was not because the movie was done up so badly that it is hilarious. The jokes, facial expressions and the underlying meanings of certain situations were just so classic. It was good.

If you like dramatic, ridiculous, weird and puns from time to time, you will definitely like this movie.

And beneath the humour, there is a pretty strong storyline to it which gives the movie a purpose for even being shot in the first place. The events actually made sense, with the beginning and end of the 110 minutes coming together really nicely.

I cannot say that the whole college, finding yourself and bromance themes are new because they are not. However, they are dealt with so nicely in this movie, I did not mind it at all. They weaved in nicely with each other and no theme was forced onto the script simply because.

The two leads, Schmidt (by Jonah Hill) and Jenko (by Channing Tatum) were the best duo ever. Very watchable and the chemistry they had with each other was comfortable. Not awkward or superficial. They knew when to play up the jokes and when to be serious during key moments that are meant to be more emotional than funny. (Probably director’s credit too!)

Anyway, I would just like to say that my favourite scene is the beach.

It is so amazing to see so many people doing so many different things and just creating the whole atmosphere. Details like, having a deejay, drinks, floats and umbrellas were all there. I don’t know about you, but crazy details totally impress me.

And I think the best part of this movie is that there are always clever pauses between funny bits that go with the flow of the action while giving the audience ample to laugh out loud and quieten down. I really appreciated this because I was laughing really loudly for some bits and am so glad I did not miss any dialogue or action.

It is the kind of movie you watch during casual sleepovers with close friends. I like.

Negativity.

(I went through my notes on my phone and dug out all the things I wanted to say but there was no one to say it to because all these words should be said to myself. But I want to get them out of my phone and hopefully they will go away. Or come back some other time one by one but not all at once.)

Some mornings are just so tiring

And talking

Just seems to take

So

Much

E F F O R T

And Pushing

Away just seems like the easier option to take.

When I saw tears, I felt helpless and did not really know what to do.

Because when I saw tears, I saw myself.

And it scared me.

The rain died a million times.

Hitting the ground.

Breaking bones.

Hurt.

Only to be born again another day.

To die one more time.

I feel sad. I feel an overwhelming urge to cry. I feel like drowning. I feel like dying.

The grass looks like frail tiny hands reaching out to the rain.

For comfort.

If there was a whole bunch of pills next to my bed, I would have taken every single one of them.

I swear I would.

 

 

Question of The Day:

Is it better to talk to someone and keep miscommunicating, or just not talk to anyone at all?

(Thought about this on the bus ride home last night.)

I might pick not talking to anyone at all.

Because by not talking, I know solitude or loneliness is pretty much a choice on my part and if I ever want to speak up, maybe someone will get me. The possibility is still there for me to think about.

But if I pick to keep talking to someone and just miscommunicate all the time, the awareness that I am essentially alone will just build up inside and overwhelm me one day. And I might just hate myself even more and get frustrated at the person I am talking to me, even though it might not be anyone’s fault.

What about you?

Heart Lines.

A friend once told me that if the heart lines on two people matched perfectly, it means that the two are meant to be.

Soul mates.

Fated.

It made me think of the Chinese Legend.

The one of the red thread between two people that are meant to be lovers. Tied at the ankles and no matter how much the thread stretched or tangled, it will never tear apart. It is strong, secure and just present.

Invisible to the naked eye, but there.

Secretly pulling and guiding you to the person you are supposed to meet.

I am not the superstitious kind.

But I cannot help thinking about the heart lines from time to time.

And tracing them with my fingers.

And wondering if they will ever match with someone else’s.

It is a pretty curious thing isn’t it?