Littered With Books.

2014-01-19 21.08.26Books are the best things ever. But of course, that statement is a personal preference.

I grew up with books on Peter and Jane, books by Enid Blyton as well as Dr. Seuss. My mother pretty much made sure that both my brother and I knew how to read when we were young and we visited the library often with too many books to carry home at the end of the trip.

So even now, I love books. The touch of the paperback, the cracked spine and the yellowed rough pages. Or the new hardcover – smooth and shiny – with slick clean pages. The smell of age that makes my nose tingle. Feeling the weight of it in my bag or in my hands as I travel with it. And the words swimming around in my mind.

I just like looking at things that are without bright screens and battery-operated sometimes. The phone and computer get tiring and sickening, even. Why would I want to use my computer after doing a whole bunch of work on it at work for hours?

So this place, Littered With Books is like a heaven for me.

Filled with books of all genres and from all over the world (mainstream or not), chances are you can find any book you want here. You can even ask the staff about importing books for you I think, and the staff there are always smiling and nice.

The place is even done up with labels, snippets of information about the book or writer as well as signs and artsy decorations to make you feel happy and engaged with your surroundings. Everything is just really bright and neatly arranged. For me, I appreciate how they put thought into the arrangement of books and keeping the place alive with colours, information and new arrivals constantly for book lovers.

I always discover new books to purchase and to read when I am there. Being easy to navigate within the space, I can look for any topic I want easily and reach any shelf because the shelves are easy to reach even for short people like me. Really free and easy, you can just drop in just to check books out with no salesperson following you every step of the way to pretend to serve you or worry if you might steal something.

So drop by this amazing bookstore if you are in the Tanjong Pagar area.

It will definitely make your day, if you are a fellow book lover.

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Raven.

When problems keep coming up, and getting thrown my direction by different people that I hold dear even when none of them are my fault, I honestly just feel like dying.

Not emotionally.
More of like, just put a gun to my head and shoot me. Bam. All over.

I am tired.
Tired of this unreasonable anger. Tired of wetting of pillow with tears. Tired of being optimistic and forgiving you and having everything happen again.

No one is born to be a punching bag for someone else. No one is born to be an anger absorbent that is super effective. No one is born for such a purpose.

We are all people.

I am a person.

Even if you refuse to stop hurting yourself and hurting me like this, may I at least have an explanation? Then maybe I can comfort myself and tell myself that you have your reasons. Instead of asking myself ridiculous questions.
Like.
Does my father love me? Of course he does. Is he stressed at work? Of course he is. Does he need to relief stress? Of course he does.
Does he need to do this to me?
Did he do this to mother?

I used to defend him all the time. But now, after years of this bullshit, I realise, who is going to defend me?

From my bruised heart and dull spirit.

Was this how mother felt?

But I know I will keep defending this man. The man my mother defended until she moved on.
So maybe.

If there is no love anymore, as the baby born just to save your marriage, just kill me.

With no reason.

Just like how you take your anger out on me.

Everyday. With no reason.

While I am just there, in the moment.

Never ever seeing it coming.

(Book) I Married You For Happiness.

10898878 I haven’t picked up such an impactful read in a while.

I loved everything about this book – the language, the style and the message it gave me.

Entirely written from a woman’s perspective, it is about a woman trying to come to terms with her husband’s sudden passing. With him on the bed, not responding to her call for dinner just minutes ago and she, just holding his cold hand quietly.

Lost, maybe.

Remembering their life together and how it all began.

The memories are all jumbled up. Her insecurities all float to the surface. The regrets of words she will never be able to say to him anymore. And her worries of how she is going to tell her grown up daughter that her father has moved on.

Us, the living, always fear death and we worry about dying before fulfilling our wants and needs. But sometimes, we barely question what people may miss about us when we leave or what would go through our mind when someone close to us moves on to a place that we do not fully understand.

Lily Tuck made all the little conversations between the couple so real and ordinary, yet, beautiful and poetic at the same time. She made me question what might my mind come to think off when death hits close to home. What would I miss? Honestly, I had no idea. I tend to get carried away living life that it would rarely cross my mind that a person close to me, or even myself, may not be here the next.

I admit that the relationship between the main characters is not the best, but it is so raw and real. Their memories and their life only their own and their story to tell. What is the best kind of relationship anyway? Can relationships be compared? As long as love is there, is it not enough?

Let me just share this little bit of the text with you. It is one of my favourites. Uses little words but speaks so much volume in emotional depth and how we miss these moments all the time, when yet might be the ones to really mean something right at the end.

Come back, she whispers. Please, come back.
How can he leave her?
Without saying goodbye.
Without a word.
Please, she pleads.
Putting her head down on his chest, she listens.

All I can say is, I will definitely remember this book for a long long time. It is a truly beautiful book and I honestly thank Lily Tuck for sharing this with the world.

St. Jerome’s Laneway Festival Singapore 2014.

1280825_717326934950695_1659222188_nAnd yes, I went for Laneway! -does happy dance-

All thanks to Lush 99.5fm, I went for the festival filled with happy people, flowers and good music. A part of me still cannot believe I was a part of it.

The festival was filled with really good dressers and people that are not afraid to dress bright and cheerful. I admired the bright colours, bold patterns and beautiful smiles everyone had on. Other than the music, the people played an important part to keep the atmosphere going. So it was great that everyone was nice enough to have their own fun and smile at each other.

I just like crowds that are full of love for music and are kind enough to let others appreciate the music however they like. The various ways of appreciating is what makes the festival interesting and enjoyable. Some people were dancing, some people chose to lie down, some others were grooving to the beats while others were drinking and munching on small bites.

And I even saw some friends – all pretty and glowing. That was pretty lovely.

But of course, the point of the entire festival is to celebrate indie and independent talents. With acts like Vance Joy, Chvrches, HAIM as well as Vandetta, I was so excited and really grateful that I got the chance to go to watch them live. (I am a sucker for festivals and concerts and basically anything fun and enjoyable.)

I know most bands that performed so I was singing along softly and feeling the music and smiling to myself like an idiot throughout. It was nice to take a break from the sound of traffic and air-conditioned places and rushing crowds of people to just relax with nature and great music. Okay, the sun was burning me in the afternoon but that was expected, and the music was totally worth it.

I could hear the lyrics and beats so clearly. Listening to music live is just different from listening to music through earphones. Live music makes you feel it with your entire body and you can feel the rhythm pulsing through the ground and your body. It is amazing. And it really helped my experience that the organisers, ushers and security guards were all so polite, kind and friendly. Thank you so much for being such nice people. Made my day better, definitely.

And the fact that I went for leisure and not to write a review was great. Because I can just enjoy the music and not care about technical screw-ups or how engaging the bands were with their audience members. I was just me. A girl on a break from the weekdays and enjoying her time on her mat and with her camera.

All I can say is I am sunburnt and happy. Whoo!

I cannot wait for 2015.

Sharks.

Sharks,

Every one of them.

Moving in and moving fast

Only now.

With their sweet words

Out of their cold well-rehearsed smiles.

Filling the atmospherewith artificial care and warmth.

So scripted.

So distant.

So unfamiliar.

Behind those sympathising eyes,

Their minds wondering if she is going to take the bait.

Psychologically, pushing her into a corner.

Manipulating her thoughts and feelings.

Making her feel like she belongs.

But where was the caring when she was at the beginning of a

Breakdown?

But where were the words when she needed them

Most?

But where were their shoulders when she wanted to

Cry?

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Let her imagination run.

Let her imagine that the concern existed and that their friendship was there all along.

Finally she bit the bait, left her stuff on the table.

Reconsidering her resignation.

Their mind’s eyes rolling.

Finally.

Now they swim away,

Back to their own business.

Their job done.

After all,

They are just

Sharks.

Every one of them.

Knock Knock.

Knock knock knock knock,

We are strangers.

You are unfamiliar.

My body stiff from anxiety and my mind filled with questions.

Who are you?

What do you like?

When were you born?

Where?

 

Knock knock,

We are lovers.

You are familiar.

My lips eager for yours and my hands holding yours.

How was your day?

Did you miss me?

Can you pull me closer?

 

Now your door is mine.

We share the same world.

You are my other half.

My eyes open to meet yours and my ears listening to your breathing.

Let’s have dinner at home together tonight.

Have a good day at work.

I will see you later.

 

No more need for questions and just hopes of the every day.

And as I hug you every night in my sleep,

I hope the day will not come.

 

When turning of doorknobs turn to slams,

We are fighting.

You are distant.

My voice goes shrill and my legs tense up.

Where have you been?

Why did you not return my calls?

What about me?

When the knocking of four times start again,

Knock knock knock knock.

We are back to being strangers.

You are different.

My nose tickled with your scent and my skin sensitive to your careless touch.

How is life?

Oh, you are married?

Am I bothering you?

When the knocking stops,

And I just pass your door.

You have moved.

My mind blank and my heart heavy.

Where are you?

Do you think of me?

Are you happy?

 

And I drift off to sleep.

Hoping, praying and working hard so the loving now will not leave.

 

And the turning of doorknobs remain,

With the knocking just memories to keep.

 

 

 

Shop Wonderland.

2014-01-13 23.57.02Last weekend, I wanted to spend my time alone with just a book, pen and paper (I have this habit of reading and if a quote stands out to me, makes me think or touches me in some way, I write it down in a list so I can look back at them again) at a nice spot outside of my home.

I was planning to head to Artistry but by the time I get there after making a visit to the National Library Building, it was filled and overflowing with people. I was not in the state to hang out with crowds around me and being in the middle of a busy atmosphere so I decided to walk along Haji Lane to seek a quieter place.

And I found one.

I think it is quite new, or maybe it is just me not heading out often anymore because of work, that I only know of the place last week, but I was so glad to have chanced upon it.

With every corner filled with flowers – real or paper craft – the place had a lovely relaxing atmosphere. The decorations are simple yet refreshing and it quite reminds me of a mini garden. I took a seat and got myself a mushroom quiche and a cup of iced mocha. The service staff were helpful and friendly, and I loved the way they carry themselves. Guess it really does make a difference when the staff love their jobs. You can feel their love for the place, and maybe that was the secret ingredient that lifted my spirits and made me enjoy my time there.

Soft indie music was playing in the background as I read, and the people there were having quiet conversations and working on their own things, so I had my own space as well and was able to read and write comfortably with no interruptions whatsoever – not very possible at cafes like Starbucks if I choose not to listen to music from my iPod.

And the best part about my whole visit was probably learning that they have a mini garden where you can buy flowers wrapped in nice, crisp brown paper as well as handicrafts on the second level. They even have floral arrangement classes every Sunday from 2 to 5 in the afternoon, which sounds very lovely to me. I just might join in one class to learn something new on a Sunday in February when I quit this day job of mine. Hahaha.

Within the space, even though pretty small and cosy, there was so much art, relaxation and good vibes that I am definitely going back there again.

(Note: The price for the food and drink I bought was about $12.60. Pretty affordable and worth it for the atmosphere and lovely time I spent back there!)