Glass rain.

Like a rain of glass shards.

Raining right down on me.

Hitting my bent over back as I stay crouched down in a small corner.

My skin tingling under their sharp, pointed ends. My eyes blinded by their brightness.  My nose taking in shallow breaths of moist, cold air. My lips  quivering slightly. My teeth digging into my lips from the prickling pain.

Dangerous but beautiful.

Lethal but seductive.

Painful but necessary.

I bare the pain as tears start welling up in my eyes. I blinked and let the tears flow down and trace the gentle features of my tired face. I know that I can walk away. I can turn my back to the rain and run to places where the rain clouds cannot find me. But the fatigue is drugging my body and I stay still as the bullets of glass fall onto me.

Bright lights reflect into my eyes and sting me. Burning my eyeballs and blinding my sight. But I keep my eyes open – wide open – to take in all that I can.

I am willing myself to never wake – taken in by the innocent beauty and the prickling touch. I want to learn. Embrace the darkness of my mind. Explore the hidden staircases and unpack the sealed up boxes in my heart.

What is a little pain and risk in life?

To be constantly safe is not living and we all know that a little too well.

Because the glass rain is my thoughts and the light is the reality that I refuse to see. My legs can no longer carry me. I cannot keep running because the weather will catch me and the glass rain will hit me again, again and yet again. Getting heavier and heavier.

I am not ready to do this. This is not the right time. Maybe next time.

But the night has come, and I am a liar no more.

I know that I will never be ready. There is no ‘right time’ for anyone and everyone. Next time simply does not exist.

I stand up carefully in my corner and slowly, open up my arms and face the sky.

Soaking in the rain, understanding the pent up feelings washing over me and looking forward to a brand new day.

Because I am as ready as I will ever be.

The Writers Club 1st Anniversary Party.

ImageTrying my luck, I sent in a couple of pieces of my writing to the people of The Writers Club and I was really happy that I got picked to showcase my pieces during their 1st Anniversary Party!

Even the friends that I tagged on their Facebook Open Call sent in their works and were given slots as well, so we were all little happy people and attended the party with a small group of ex-schoolmates and the like.

The party was held at Working Title, a cosy cafe situated along Arab Street. Serving coffee, finger food and meals, it was the perfect hideout for a quiet afternoon with a book or sketchbook. I will definitely be back there on my own for some time away from busy streets and huge crowds.

(Note: Their greek yogurt with cornflakes and banana was really good. Healthy and nice!)

Anyway, the anniversary party kicked off at 7pm with quite a crowd. With limited seating available, there were groups of people sitting on the floor or just standing around. The crowd kept growing throughout the night and I think there were at least a hundred people that turned up! The place was full of passionate writers, listeners and of course, appreciators. It was wonderful. I really loved the entire vibe of the party and the people there.

I was the first to read. I was really surprised because I was pretty sure that my name was on the second page of the list. I had no time to freak out or anything so I just went up to read the three pieces I submitted. I read Alice, Beth and Freda – short monologues based on the theme of Self-harm for a devised performance with Theatre:Connect.

I was having a sore throat so I was not very confident about my reading but everyone was being really nice about it. The attentiveness, silence and applause from them were really nice and encouraging. It was my first time reading my works as myself and not acting as a character so the warm atmosphere really helped. A few of my friends as well as strangers came up to me and said that I did well and they liked the writing. A friend even pointed out that someone in the crowd was tearing during my read. I was really touched to hear that.

Even though it ended slightly later than the stated 9pm, I stayed throughout the event. I loved how everyone had a different style of writing, presentation and themes. I took down some lines that really jumped out at me and sitting there listening to how good all the works were made me really happy. At the end of the event, I even met new people and had some short exchanges. It was lovely.

Thank you so much to The Writers Club for inviting me and giving me a chance to present my writing, as well as such a wonderful opportunity to listen to others and appreciate the literary talents and works we have right here in the heart of Singapore. Can’t wait for the next one!

Isle.

I am bothered. I am troubled. I am annoyed.
You are too impatient.
I am misunderstood. I am helpless. I am confused.
You are not there.
I am worthless. I am insignificant. I am alone.

You are, finally, reaching out.
I am quiet. I am damaged. I am tired.
You are holding on.

But.

I am g
o
n

e
.

2Degree Ice Art (2013-2014).

2013-11-21 15.51.01I have never heard about this before and considering that I am mostly running around this island, I am barely going overseas. So, if I cannot travel overseas for the cold weather… Why not visit an ice art exhibition and experience the crazy cold weather right here in Singapore?

Dressed up in a beanie and my winter boots, I was only missing a winter jacket as well as gloves for the exhibition. Thank goodness I was able to rent the jacket for $5 and get the pair of gloves for free.

With the temperature being minus 15 degrees, I was really thankful for the extra wear. I have never experienced such temperature before, unless the Snow City counts, but I only managed to spend about an hour in the exhibition space before I had to leave. My hands were freezing up and my throat was starting to get dry.

But well, I got a kick at feeling the temperature for myself and watching my breath fog up. Hahaha.

Anyway, the space was just right. Not too grand but not too small – just right to contain your excitement and visit all the works before you freeze up in the cold. There were several works and with their placement, it was an interesting and fascinating experience for me as a whole.

The works vary in size and scale so viewers get to interact with the ice art sculptures a lot, like going in between ice pillars or putting your face up close to baby dinosaur sculptures just to appreciate the detail and skill of the artist. Personally, I went round the sculptures several times just to get a good look at the big picture as well as the craftsmanship.

From the iconic Statue of Liberty to dinosaurs to traditional Chinese figures, the 2Degree Ice Art exhibition definitely provided me with a variety of objects to admire, appreciate and pose with. They allow photographs to be taken and you will feel free in the space because it is comfortable and less strict compared to a regular museum setting. You can talk, pose with the statues and just gush over how amazing the ice sculptures are!

But the best part will definitely be the ice sculpture right at the middle of the entire exhibition. It was like a castle but with slides! there are two slides at the side for individuals to use and one gigantic lane in the middle for you to sit on a float device to slide down right from the top. It was awesome and I did it quite a few times. It made me think of the fun and how ice sculptures are not just good to look at, but also good for fun, games and a whole lot more of interaction.

I definitely had fun and it reminded me so much of the fun you get at countries with the four seasons. Anyway, as long as you go well-prepared and willing to let loose and indulge in the whole exhibition, you can stay in there forever and just have an icy good time!

Mediacorp Radio Awards (2013).

2013-11-18 08.17.35Out of the three events I could have went for (JUICE’s birthday bash, Butch Bradley and Mediacorp Radio Awards), I chose to attend the Mediacorp Radio Awards 2013.

Well, I have never attended an awards show before so I was really curious as to what it was going to be like. I guess curiosity got the best of me and I brought two friends along and forfeited a ticket since I had four (thanks to Warner Music Singapore).

With radio deejays decked out in their fashionable outfits, I quite liked seeing what everyone was wearing. There were some daring and interesting choices, such as a Great Gatsby themed outfit as well as a play with bold textures and colours. I liked how the outfits showed off some of their personalities instead of sticking to safe fashion choices all the time.

Anyway, the performances done by Anthony Neely, Nate Tao, Zendee and The Sam Willows were wonderful. Even though there were some slight moments when it seemed that the act was not in his best form, he recovered so that was a good thing. I was really impressed by Zendee as well as The Sam Willows that night. They were in their best condition to perform and the passion definitely translated in to their music and it brought the atmosphere up.

I was slightly disappointed that each performer only had a song each. It would have been nice if they could have done two to three each, but of course, the point of the whole event was to give out the awards to deserving deejays so oh well. I will just hope to watch all of them perform some other time!

The awards were given out promptly but it got dry after a while, despite efforts from award presenters to keep things light and entertaining. A special mention to Bryan Wong for successfully making us laugh though! But I have to say that the effort being put into the nomination videos were really good – how each radio channel had a different activity done to feature their various deejays in a fun way. The Lifetime Achievement Award given to Suharti Ali had the most heartwarming video of the entire night. It was a nice note to end on, definitely.

And lastly, the best effort of the night would go to Muttons on The Move. From quick costume changes to talking panda talk to swinging on wrecking balls, they entertained everyone and their chemistry with each other makes everything look so natural and easy even though they probably put in a lot of work and energy into the entire sequence. So they definitely deserved their Best Radio Show award for the third time.

All in all, it was a good experience now I have seen and experienced the awards this year but I doubt I will want to attend it again. But well, I caught up with my friends so all’s good.

(Note: I did not blog about attending the ST Communities We Are One party but I did a short one and you can read it here: http://stcommunities.straitstimes.com/2013/11/15/st-communities-birthday-bash)

Burn.

I woke up with groggy eyes and a splitting headache. The ordinary sounds of daily life magnified by a hundred times in my head.

I felt like my mind was counting down and it was going to blow up at any moment.

Headaches are annoying, but fevers are the worst.

Heat radiates from your body and for a moment, it was as if I was the sun. Burning up from the inside, and sucking up my energy to fuel the burning fire within me.

The wind, the water and the human touch pricks me and I recoil. With my senses heightened, every gentle connection was like a sting. And it makes me uncomfortable and shiver on the inside.

My body is rebelling against me. So is my mind.

My words do not seem to make sense. My grammar is probably a goner and my ability to share my thoughts bailed.

I hate being sick.

Happiness.

I have been feeling good about myself these days, which is a really good thing.

Maybe it is because I do not see the people that constantly put me down anymore, or maybe I have learned that people are just going to believe whatever they want to believe. And I stopped caring.

But whatever the reason, I am glad I feel better about myself.

I can dress down to work every single day and bundle all my hair up when the weather is hot. I pin up my fringe when it gets in the way even though I do not have the nicest skin on my forehead. I have my spectacles on more often instead of my contact lenses to prevent my eyes from drying out even more. I do not wear concealer to hide any eye bags and just try to get more sleep every night. I mind my food intake but I do not skip my meals. I pamper myself every once in a while with little treats. I let myself wind down by taking the longer way home if I feel like it.

The list definitely goes on and on.

Slowly, I am starting to take charge of every single aspect of my life and my direction is getting clearer in front of me. It feels like, from the bottom of my heart, that I do know myself better. Knowing my imperfects and turning it into strengths or making up for it with something else. Or just being more aware of it and actually dealing with it, instead of getting all upset and doing nothing. It is empowering even though it is just a minor change inside.

Sure, I still have my ‘fat’ days and I feel like crap because I do not look good in anything. Or feeling like I am not good at anything at all and I should just give up on life. But seriously, who doesn’t have their high and low points in life? It is just about how often it happens and how often I put myself down. It is slowly getting lesser as the year goes by.

Today, I feel like I am glowing from the inside and my body feels light. I do feel tired from daily routines but I feel positive about it and that today will be a wonderful day.

I think this is the best kind of happiness there is in the world. And you definitely cannot buy it.